Steps 4 & 5: Taking out the spiritual trash (dealing with my baggage)

I've combined Steps 4 & 5 because they fall under the same principle (Reminder: There are 12 Steps but only 8 Biblical Principles that the steps flow from).

Before I begin elaborating, let me express that these two steps are at the heart of the whole process. You see, for years I have been holding on to things others have done to me, things I did to others, and worst of all, I have been blind to all my fears that have motivated most (if not all) of my sinful patterns. True spiritual examination and confession is no easy process. It is painful. I means admitting there is pain and that you can't do anything in and of yourself to stop it or stuff it any longer.

Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 5: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

In the beatitudes, Jesus stated that, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Matthew 5:8).

Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.

Notice there has to be purity of heart to see God. With all the spiritual garbage of unforgiveness, resentments, past hurts and harms, and lingering fears, it's really difficult to see God. Because of things in my past that had hurt me, I began building walls around my heart/mind to defend against any more emotional, physical, or spiritual attacks.

I began putting on masks to keeps others from knowing what was really going on just below the surface.

I learned many different pretenses...the worst one being "religious."

Steps 4 & 5 helped me to face the ugly truth about my sin, my past, and everything I had ever done. God has been using these steps to teach me how to "get real" and stop pretending. It hasn't been easy, but I'm thankful to start learning who I really am in Christ and to lean on Him to help me clean up my past and truly set me free. 

Most Christians know some or even a lot about the Truth. We love to quote Jesus' words in John 8:32, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Maybe you grew up in the church like me and knew this verse from an early age and have been claiming it most of your life.

What I failed to realize is that a few verses later Jesus says in verse 36: "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I thought I was free...and to a certain extent, I was free. But I had merely come TO the cross for salvation, and yet I had not gone THROUGH the cross to let go of everything to be free indeed. I was oblivious to this simple truth that Jesus will set us free, but not on my terms....only on His terms. 

I don't want to be declared free and sitting in a cage the rest of my life...no, I want to be free indeed! 

Jesus...please set me free indeed and show me how to let go of my self-defenses and entrust myself to You only to defend me. I humbly and in much brokenness surrender all my junk for the freedom only You can bring. Thank You for loving me...and being infinitely patient with me!

Step 3: It's time to make a choice (dealing with my commitment to Christ & His will for my life)

It seems I am working the steps faster than I can update them...maybe that's a good thing.

After dealing with my powerlessness over sin's power in my life, I believed that God could restore me to a healthy and sane way of life. One thing I have been learning about belief is that is MUST be accompanied by action. If it is not, then it's not true, biblical belief.

With that being said, I move on to Step 3...which says:

Step 3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.

This flows out of Matthew 5:5 - "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."

Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control.

In our culture meekness is often equated to weakness. If you don't believe me, check the most current dictionary. 

Dictionary.com defines meek as:

1. humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others.

2. overly submissive or compliant; spiritless; tame.

3. gentle; kind. 

4. similar to a limp noodle.

Ok, ok, that last one was mine. But really...spiritless? Overly submissive?? It does not surprise me that the world sees meekness as weakness. And it shouldn't surprise you either. After all, Jesus pretty much turned everything upside down with sayings like: 'If you want to save your life, you must lose it" and 'if'you want to be greatest in my kingdom, you must be a slave of all.' I could be wrong, but it appears that the bible paints a much different picture of meekness. 

The best definition of meekness I have heard is very simple: "Power under control." A wild elephant is a powerful creature...and placed amongst a lot of people it is a very destructive and violent creature. Take that same elephant and train it and tame it. You have the same power, but now it's under the care and control of a master and can accomplish seemingly impossible tasks.

My problem (and maybe you can relate) is that I don't like to be the one who is not in control...especially of everything around me. I have tried incessantly and tiredly to control my circumstances, my relationships, other people, my income, etc. Why has it taken me 3 decades to figure out that I can't do this and whenever I try, I wreck everything?! I'm hard headed and far worse...hard-hearted. 

It's when I finally realize the subtle and overt ways I have defied and rebelled against God, human authority, and others around me that I can see the destruction it's caused me and others. But even more importantly, I can finally see my hideous pride and all my self-defense mechanisms / walls / masks / pretenses / etc.

What am I to do now that I see this mess that is SO large that I cannot clean it up? Simple...I cry out to God. I cry out and make a decision that I will turn everything over to Him. 

"Come to me and I will give you rest - all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke - for it fits perfectly - and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens." (Matthew 11:28-30)

"I give up...save me...teach me...guide me God...I need You."